This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
