so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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