I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
