Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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