My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
