naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
