Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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