His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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