I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
