i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
