we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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