Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well you can't waste a boner
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
