I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
