stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
