Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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