Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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