Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
