my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
