tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
