Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
