ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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