Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
