How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
