drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
