So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
