I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
