the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
