he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
