I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
