I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
