Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
