I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
