I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
