honey bunches of taint.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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