Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
