I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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