I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
