I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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