she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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