I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
