did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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