I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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