But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
