Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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