So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
