Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
