so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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