Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
