cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
