the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
