i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
