fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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