Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
