this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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