I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
