u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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