It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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