"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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